So as you may know, I’m new to golf. I’ve been shown some really great tips from friends, and family alike, and I’m really starting to improve. My swing still looks like a crash landing instead of a clean take off, but the short game is coming along smooth. My oldest brother Tom gave me a subscription to Golf Digest for my birthday in August, and I received my first copy today in the mail. It’s the October 2007 issue, with a picture of Jack Nicklaus from the 60’s on it. The magazine features “Jack’s All-Time Basics” on the cover, and has a great article written by Jim Flick starting on page 90. What the cover doesn’t mention is that this very magazine contains the key to golf’s greatest secrets.

Upon opening the magazine, you are greeted with ads! While pages 2 and 4 do show the 2nd and 3rd cover of the magazine (a new style from the folks at Conde Nast) other than that it’s ads. As follows:

Cadillac, Cover, Cadillac, Cover, Cadillac 2 page ad, Ralph Lauren 2 page ad, Grey Goose 2 page ad, Visa 2 page ad, Pioneer TV 2 page ad, Dillard’s 2 page ad, table of contents part 1 (this is page 12 by the way), Charles Schwab ad, Porsche 2 page ad, table of contents part 2. On page 18 is the first real part of the magazine, it’s from the Chairman and Editor-in-Chief, Jerry Tarde.

In case you hadn’t caught the secret to golf in there, let me lay it out for you.

You have to purchase some Cadillacs, lots of them, then dress up in clothes with another man’s name on them.(btw the image was lame Luke Donald, be your self) Next, drink a lot, I’m not sure who that helps with golfing, but it’s number 3 on the list. Now that you’re broke, and drunk, you’re ready for golf! Wait no you aren’t, golf ain’t cheap son, you need to get yourself a Visa. With your new spending limit, you purchase a TV to watch Tiger Woods on, and some more clothes with other men’s names on them. After all the fun of blowing your Visa, you’re going to need more money, so you “Talk to Chuck” at the bank. A nice new Porsche, money left over for the green fees and you’re set. You are now ready to be Pro.

Mr. Tarde,

Perhaps if you had some content worth reading, you’d have more readers. True, there is money to be made with advertising, trust me, I know. The thing is, who’s going to keep paying to read ads? With no readers, who’s going to want to advertise with your magazine?

I am in no way implying that your magazine is lacking readers, as it is “the most widely read golf publication in the world” but as a new reader to your magazine, it would be nice if your content out weighed your ads, not the other way around.

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